Marriage is a beautiful journey filled with its fair share of ups and downs, and when kids, the challenges of aging, and various life stressors come into the picture, many couples often find themselves struggling on how to keep the spark alive in marriage after kids, aging, and life. If you’ve ever found yourself feeling more like roommates than lovers, rest assured, you are not alone in this experience. It is completely normal for relationships to evolve over time, and with that evolution, intimacy can also shift.
The complexities of life can make it difficult to maintain the initial passion and connection you once shared. However, the good news is that with intentional effort and a commitment to nurturing your relationship, you can reignite the passion in your marriage. There are many strategies you can implement to rekindle the flame and deepen your bond, bringing back the excitement and joy that first brought you together. Remember, love takes work, but it is truly worth it in the end.
But here’s the good news: you can reignite the passion in your marriage—it just takes intentional effort. In this guide, we’ll explore practical, real-life ways to keep the spark alive in marriage after kids, no matter how long you’ve been together.
1. Communication is the Lifeline of Marriage
One of the biggest reasons intimacy fades after having kids is a lack of communication. When was the last time you had a deep, meaningful conversation with your spouse—not about work, chores, or the kids, but about your dreams, desires, or even just your day?
Helpful Example:
Instead of just saying, “How was your day?” try:
💬 “What was the best part of your day today?”
💬 “What’s something you’re excited about right now?”
These kinds of questions invite meaningful conversation and connection.
👉 Pro Tip: Dedicate 15–20 minutes daily to talk without distractions—no phones, no TV, just the two of you.
2. Prioritize Physical Touch (Beyond the Bedroom!)
Physical intimacy is about much more than just sex—it’s about creating a daily sense of connection and closeness. Unfortunately, after kids, many couples unintentionally stop prioritizing touch, leading to emotional and physical distance.
Helpful Example:
🚀 Try the “6-Second Kiss Rule.” Instead of a quick peck, make your kisses last at least six seconds—long enough to release oxytocin, the bonding hormone.
💡 Other ways to add physical intimacy:
- Hold hands while walking or watching TV
- Give unexpected hugs during the day
- Cuddle in bed before falling asleep
By incorporating these small gestures, you’ll naturally keep the spark alive in marriage after kids.
Physical intimacy isn’t just about sex—it’s about feeling connected through small, everyday gestures.
3. Date Nights: Make Time for Each Other
One of the biggest mistakes couples make after having kids? Letting date nights disappear. Life gets hectic, and between diaper changes, school drop-offs, and work deadlines, romance often takes a backseat.
But here’s the truth: If you don’t prioritize your relationship, it will suffer.
Helpful Example:
Instead of just dinner and a movie, switch it up!
🎨 Try a painting class together
🏕️ Go for an outdoor adventure like hiking
🎤 Have a karaoke night at home
If finding a babysitter is hard, have an at-home date night once the kids are asleep. Cook together, play a board game, or even have a candlelit dinner. Keeping the spark alive in marriage after kids doesn’t require extravagant gestures—it just requires effort.
4. Share Household Responsibilities
Nothing kills romance faster than feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated. If one person is carrying the bulk of the household and parenting duties, resentment will grow—and resentment is a passion killer.
Helpful Example:
🏡 Sit down together and divide household tasks fairly.
🔄 Rotate who does bedtime, school drop-offs, and meal planning.
💡 Bonus Tip: Turn chores into quality time! Listen to a fun podcast together while cleaning or make cooking a couple’s activity.
By working as a team, you’ll reduce stress and naturally keep the spark alive in marriage after kids.
5. Flirt Like You’re Dating Again
Remember when you first met and couldn’t stop flirting, laughing, and sending cute texts throughout the day? Over time, life’s responsibilities take over, and flirting often fades—but it doesn’t have to.
Helpful Example:
📱 Send unexpected flirty texts like, “Thinking about you 😉” or “Can’t wait to see you tonight.”
💋 Leave a sticky note on the mirror with a compliment.
🎁 Surprise your spouse with their favorite snack or coffee.
By making flirting a habit, you’ll naturally keep the spark alive in marriage after kids and create anticipation in your relationship.
Keeping playfulness alive makes your relationship feel fresh and exciting.
6. Break the Routine with Something New
Routines keep life organized, but they can also make marriage feel predictable and stale. If your days feel like a never-ending cycle of work, kids, and sleep, it’s time to shake things up.
Helpful Example:
🌍 Plan a weekend getaway, even if it’s just one night in a nearby town.
🎸 Take a class together—music, cooking, dancing, anything new!
🛶 Go on an adventure—kayaking, zip-lining, or even a simple road trip.
New experiences create dopamine and excitement, which naturally help keep the spark alive in marriage after kids.
7. Handle Conflict with Love and Respect
It’s no secret that sex can decline after kids, but that doesn’t mean intimacy has to disappear. In fact, prioritizing your sex life is one of the best ways to keep the spark alive in marriage after kids.
Helpful Example:
🔥 Schedule an intimate night: Just like date nights, put intimacy on the calendar to ensure it happens.
🎲 Try a couples’ intimacy game to spark new excitement.
💬 Talk openly about desires and boundaries to keep things comfortable and exciting.
💡 Pro Tip: Small acts of affection during the day (like touching, kissing, and flirting) build anticipation for the evening.
8. Keep the Bedroom Exciting
Sexual intimacy often declines after years together—but it doesn’t have to. Prioritizing intimacy strengthens your bond.
Helpful Example:
🔥 Plan an intimate night: Set the mood with candles, music, and turn off distractions.
🎲 Try a couple’s game to spice things up.
💡 Pro Tip: Openly discuss your desires and boundaries to ensure both partners feel comfortable.
9. Laugh Together—Often!
A shared sense of humor strengthens relationships. Couples who laugh together feel more connected.
Helpful Example:
- Watch a comedy show together.
- Have a “try not to laugh” challenge.
- Reminisce about funny moments from your past.
10. Support Each Other’s Individual Growth
When you are figuring out how to keep the spark alive in marriage after kids, you need to remember your marriage should be a partnership, not a loss of individuality. Support your spouse’s dreams and personal growth.
Helpful Example:
📚 Encourage your partner to take that course they’ve been eyeing.
🏋️ Cheer them on if they want to focus on fitness.
🎸 Support their hobbies, even if they’re different from yours.
Final Thoughts: Marriage is a Continuous Effort
Marriage after kids is a beautiful but challenging journey. The key to keeping the romance alive isn’t grand, once-in-a-while gestures—it’s consistent, small efforts that make your spouse feel loved, appreciated, and desired. If you are looking for more tips on balancing work and family life, check out this post!
💡 The key takeaways:
✅ Talk openly and actively listen.
✅ Prioritize intimacy and physical connection.
✅ Make date nights a non-negotiable.
✅ Work as a team to reduce stress.
✅ Keep things fun, flirty, and fresh.
By making your marriage a priority, you’ll keep the spark alive—no matter how many years or kids later! ❤️
One of my favorite podcasters – Mel Robbins, has an episode called “How to Create Better Relationships: 6 Surprising Lessons from 28 years of Marriage“. Check it out.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
1. How often should couples have date nights?
Ideally, once a week or at least twice a month. The goal is consistent quality time together.
2. How do I talk to my spouse about improving our intimacy?
Use “I” statements and express your feelings positively. Example: “I miss feeling close to you. Let’s find ways to reconnect.”
3. What if my partner isn’t interested in rekindling romance?
Start small—lead by example with affectionate gestures, kind words, and shared activities.
4. Can therapy help if we’re struggling?
Absolutely! A licensed therapist can provide tools to improve communication and intimacy. (Find a therapist)
5. How do we balance marriage and parenting?
Set boundaries! Prioritize couple time, even if it’s just 15 minutes a day.
