News Flash: Most managers are BAD managers. Yes, you read that right. And here’s the kicker – it’s not entirely their fault. Let me break it down for you.
Corporate America has a long-standing love affair with promoting high performers. On paper, it sounds great, right? Reward the go-getters, the achievers, the ones who make things happen. But here’s the million-dollar question: Why on earth would you want a narcissistic brown-noser in charge of people?
Think about it for a hot second. More often than not, these “high performers” are just better at playing the game. Now, I’m not saying it’s always the case, but let me tell you, I’ve been in the corporate jungle since college, and 9 out of 10 managers I’ve had were about as effective as a chocolate teapot.
Why? Because being a high performer DOES NOT mean you have the ability to lead! It’s like expecting a star quarterback to automatically be a great coach. Different skillset, folks!
Looking back over my career, I can count on one hand (with fingers to spare) the number of managers who actually embodied the leadership traits you’d want in a team captain. Two. That’s it. Two out of countless managers over the years. Houston, we have a problem.
The issue isn’t that high performers shouldn’t be rewarded. By all means, shower them with bonuses, fancy titles, corner offices – whatever floats their boat. But why does that have to translate into managing others? It’s high time corporate culture had a reality check.
It shouldn’t be the default setting to promote someone to a manager position just because they’ve been following the corporate yellow brick road. You know the drill: analyst, analyst 1, analyst 2, team lead, senior, manager… Lather, rinse, repeat. But does it make sense? About as much as using a sledgehammer to crack a nut.
It’s a problem, and one that HR should be chomping at the bit to change. But as we all know, change in the corporate world moves at the speed of a sloth on sedatives. So, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don’t see this ship turning around anytime soon.
And here’s another thing that grinds my gears – why should you be financially penalized because you don’t want to be a manager? It’s this broken record mentality that the only way to grow or be successful is if you become a manager. Excuse me? Managing others is like herding cats while juggling flaming torches. It’s HARD. You need empathy, listening skills, and the ability to put others’ needs ahead of your own. And let’s face it, most people do not possess these qualities.
So, why am I on this soapbox? Because this broken system is leading to a tsunami of mental health issues. We’re talking burnout, exhaustion, anxiety, depression, and a whole lot more. It’s turning the workplace into a psychological minefield.
I once had a manager who thought public humiliation was a motivational tactic. He’d call me out in front of the whole department, just to see me squirm. When I mustered up the courage to tell him it made me uncomfortable, he had the audacity to say it was my fault for not being prepared. Oh, and guess what? I was the only one he treated like his personal punching bag.
In a meeting, I dared to ask a clarifying question to a peer. Instead of letting my colleague respond, my manager interrupted like a game show buzzer, telling me to zip it. Apparently, questions were only allowed if they didn’t come from my mouth.
This same charming individual, after a whopping three weeks of working together, told me he didn’t like my “brand” (whatever that means), that I had a cloud hanging over my head, and – cherry on top – that no one else liked me. Can you imagine being in my shoes? I felt like I was taking crazy pills!
When I brought this up to my VP, hoping for a lifeline, you know what she said? “While I agree these are not appropriate things to say, he’s won over the higher-ups, so you need to just suck it up or switch departments.” I was gobsmacked. It was like complaining about a bully to a teacher, only to be told, “Well, the principal likes him, so deal with it.”
So, this particular manager might be a “high performer” in someone’s book, but in reality, he was just better at playing the corporate game of thrones. And let me say it louder for the people in the back: Being a “high performer” DOES NOT equate to being a good manager!
Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s dive into the nitty-gritty. What are the telltale signs of a toxic manager? Buckle up, because this ride is about to get bumpy…
Micromanagement and constant criticism Example: Your manager insists on approving every email you send, even routine responses, and frequently critiques your word choice.
Inconsistent or unclear expectations Example: One week, your manager praises your project approach; the next week, they berate you for doing the exact same thing, claiming they never approved it.
Taking credit for your work Example: You spend weeks preparing a presentation, but in the meeting, your manager presents it as their own work without acknowledging your contribution.
Favoritism or unfair treatment Example: Your coworker consistently misses deadlines without consequences, while you’re reprimanded for being five minutes late to a meeting.
Lack of support or recognition Example: You successfully complete a challenging project, but your manager only focuses on minor issues and never acknowledges your overall achievement.
Blame-shifting and avoiding responsibility Example: When a project fails, your manager blames the team’s “lack of effort,” despite having ignored repeated requests for necessary resources.
Emotional instability or frequent outbursts Example: Your manager yells at you in front of colleagues for a minor mistake, then acts as if nothing happened in the next meeting.
Discouraging growth or professional development Example: When you express interest in a training program, your manager dismisses it, saying, “You’re not ready for that level yet,” without providing a path to get there.
Excessive control over your time and tasks Example: Your manager requires you to account for every minute of your workday and questions your bathroom breaks.
Disregard for work-life balance Example: Your manager regularly calls or texts you late at night and on weekends, expecting immediate responses to non-urgent matters.
Gaslighting Example: When you bring up a conversation from last week about project deadlines, your manager insists it never happened and suggests you’re “imagining things” or “being too sensitive.”
Here is a really great article on toxic managers if you need more confirmation.
Remember: Your worth is not defined by a toxic workplace. The impact you’re experiencing is a reflection of the environment, not your value or abilities.
Keep detailed records of all incidents and communications
Connect with trusted colleagues and external mentors
Seek therapy and practice self-care
Update your resume and start job searching
Research labor laws and consult with a lawyer if needed
Plan your departure on your own terms
Escalate issues if internal channels have failed
Focus on healing and professional growth post-exit
Help others while protecting yourself
Look, I get it. We’ve all got bills to pay, dreams to chase, and maybe a crippling addiction to overpriced coffee to support. But here’s the cold, hard truth that we need to tattoo on our foreheads: Your mental health is worth more than any paycheck.
Let that sink in for a moment. Read it again if you need to. I’ll wait.
Throughout this post, we’ve dissected the anatomy of toxic managers like a high school biology class gone rogue. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, and we’ve probably had a few flashbacks that made us want to hide under our desks. But now it’s time for the grand finale, the pièce de résistance, the call to action that’s going to change your life – or at least make you think twice about that passive-aggressive email you were about to send.
Here’s the deal: You are not a punching bag, and you are not a fall guy (or gal). Managers with a grudge are not your problem. These emotionally stunted managers, who peaked in high school are looking for people to fall to their knees and kiss the ground they walk on. You are a human being with dreams, talents, and a right to work in an environment that doesn’t make you want to scream into a pillow every night.
“But what about my career?” I hear you cry. Well, let me ask you this: What good is a stellar career if you’re too burnt out to enjoy it? If you’re sacrificing your mental health on the altar of corporate success, you’re not winning – you’re slowly losing yourself. At the end of the day, you are just a number to these people. Remember that.
Remember that toxic manager who made your life a living hell? The one who criticized your every move, gaslit you into doubting your own sanity, and had the emotional intelligence of a potato? They’re not the hero of this story or a compelling villain. They’re just a cautionary tale of what happens when the wrong people are given power.
So, what’s the solution? It’s simple, but it’s not easy:
And.. last but not least, remember, staying in a toxic work environment isn’t resilience; it’s self-harm with a LinkedIn profile. You wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who constantly belittled you and made you feel worthless, so why accept it from your job?
Your mental health is not a luxury item to be addressed once you’ve “made it.” It’s the foundation upon which you build everything else. Protect it fiercely. Nurture it constantly. Prioritize it unapologetically.
In the grand tapestry of life, your job is just one thread. Don’t let it be the one that unravels everything else. You deserve to work in an environment that challenges you to grow, not one that challenges your will to live.
So, the next time you find yourself in a toxic work situation, asking yourself, “Should I stay or should I go?”, channel your inner Magic 8 Ball and hear it say: “All signs point to valuing yourself and getting the hell out of there.”
Because at the end of the day, you’re not just an employee. You’re a whole person with a life outside of work, dreams beyond your current job, and a right to peace of mind. Don’t let anyone – especially not a bad manager – make you forget that.
Now, go forth and conquer, you magnificent, underappreciated, soon-to-be-ex employee of Toxic Inc. Your mental health, and your future self, will thank you.
Remember: The best career move you can make is the one that moves you towards happiness and fulfillment. Everything else is just a job.
If you want to check out my other post on Toxic Work Environments, click here!